Thursday, May 7, 2015


For the first time in fifteen years, I have been waking up without having to worry about who I will find dead. That worry has preoccupied so much of my mind, and I am glad I had Buddhism, my friends, and all kinds of diversions to get through this time of sadness and grief. I am so grateful to be sitting here right now, writing this down, because there were many times when I wondered who would die first. Me or dad or Mimi.

I drove to Jaycee beach and walked the entire boardwalk. People were still swimming in the ocean. As I drove into my driveway, I saw the little girls across the street, playing with a neighbor's new dog.

So now I am really sad, feeling a cry coming on. I miss Mimi so much. My Aunt Lulu told me today that when her son lost his St. Bernard he was in bed for three days. I guess the mornings and evenings are the worst. I am glad I can feel it.

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