Friday, December 18, 2015

OK, i am just about at the end of my rope as far as this substitute teaching is concerned.  I am hoping that I put all this work into the process for nothing, because a more lucrative part-time job that i can do in my pajamas will become available to me.

All of my paperwork is assembled, with the exception of my social security card.  The woman at the school district office said nothing else could substitute, like a birth certificate or passport, both of which i have.  So i spent this afternoon at the Social Security office in Fairfield, getting a replacement card. It is supposed to come within the week, although it doesn't matter, because the substitute coordinator said i can't sub until the results of my fingerprints and background check have to come back first.

Had lovely conversations with my friends from Vero, Ivy and Linda. I miss them, but I don't miss being in the classroom on this last day before Winter Break.  It was fun when i taught.  We came to school, dressed in our pajamas.  The morning was spent reading and playing board games, and in the afternoon, we watched a movie and had snacks, as low key as it gets with third graders the before Christmas.   My day started with whatever sweet someone left on my desk that morning, and by the time i got home, i was in a sugar coma, vowing to never touch the stuff again.

Richard and I were going to take a walk this afternoon, but he had to postpone, so here i sit, at Nathan's, funky and welcoming, enjoying the warmth of a peppermint mocha, on a night when darkness came really early.

This is the first Christmas since 1986 or so that I have spent away from Vero Beach.  It's not that i want to go back, but I do feel homesick for certain people and places i love.

I miss life at 835 Bougainvillea Lane.Right before she died, my mom found me a cute apartment 350 steps from the beach. A cast of characters came with it, and for seven years, i had some of the nicest christmases I ever had in my life, thanks to Jimmy, Karen, Tony, Scott, and assorted other players in the cast, under the stars, tropical breezes blowing some years, and people wearing heavy wool sweaters in other years.

The first weekend in December heralded the holiday season, with the Christmas parade, featuring Santa himself, on Ocean Drive.  We had a party every year after it, assuring a motley crew showing up on our front lawn, thanks to all the people in different sectors of town who each of us knew.

I feel really stuck.  Some day I hope i will look back on this time with laughter, tenderness, and compassion at brave and relentless i was.

So forward ... it is the only way to go.  As Kate said, "upright, small steps, fuck the time."

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