Friday, June 10, 2016

Sitting here in my tiny place, I am so happy.  I cleared out my car, and brought all my laundry baskets in.  It feels so good to putter at my desk, which is really Gregory's old card table, with the gorgeous Chinese lamp he loaned me on it.  

It has been quite a year. I did what i said i was going to do, and i actually wrote about it.  I haven't shared many of the harrowing parts, because a) I didn't want to worry people; b)I wanted to experience things free of judgement; and C) i wanted to make sure i got through the harrowing stuff, before anyone could tell me i might not get through it. 

Being on the road has been much more difficult than i ever imagined.  In theory, it was romantic. In real life, it is not, especially seeing the number of homeless people in our country.  

I am so different from last year, at this time.  Somewhere on this trip, in the Tetons, I think, i lost my shame and the mean voice in my head that kept telling me that everything i did was futile.  

Before this road trip, I took so much for granted - storage, stretch out space, order.  There were days when I really wondered what I had gotten myself into. With none of the constructs of home, there were many times when i felt mentally unwell and very lonely.  Rarely, though, was i depressed. Scared, sad, angry, happy, elated, joyful, but never depressed. Often, i didn't know what to do next. Dealing with uncertainty was one of my biggest challenges.  

What a ride, though. And it is not over yet. I still have to wrap things up back in Vero.  But it will be a while until i get back into a car. Right now, i want to ground myself and walk around and plant stuff

Richard came by and brought me an amazing lamp and parsons end table. we sat and chatted in the backyard, under the plum tree.  the plums are delicious.  

The other day, when MJ texted me about my dad and the psychic, she asked me if he had ever been in the military, because the psychic said something about military medals or buttons. Today, while unpacking, i came across a blue velvet box containing my dad's blazer buttons and cuff links from Catholic U.  I love how he lets me know he's hanging around.  

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